I lost it at the tender age of 18. To a lot of my peers, this is really late. However, for me it was the right time. There was no way I was ready for sex in high school.
In high school, the idea of having sex and losing one’s virginity was a big deal for me, as well as for some of my more prudish friends. I went through the first three years of high school firmly believing that I wouldn’t be ready to lose it until I was married to the man I loved. At that time, I was sure that I would be married to this man by the time I was 25, and no later. (Now, I’m 99 percent positive this will not happen. When I’m 25, I will most likely get a degree – not a husband.) I was also shy and geeky, and did not get my first kiss until I was 16.
I was shocked to find out that one of my friends lost it during the summer of our junior year.
“Really?! How did it feel?? Did you like it???” I asked with disbelief.
A million other questions raced through my mind. Did it hurt? Was there blood? Did he even respect her when they decided to go through this? Were they serious enough as a couple? Did she feel right after losing it?
“It was okay. It wasn’t as enjoyable as I would have liked. No, it didn’t hurt.” She replied after I asked her.
Talk about anticlimactic.
Nevertheless, I kept my legs closed for the rest of high school. However, I did change a lot. It became harder not to think about sex. The summer before my senior year, I spent a lot of time with my first boyfriend around a community service program we were both involved in, and we explored a few physical things outside of sex. It was hard to keep a virginal mindset in the summer heat while being around a guy. I went online and found articles with tips on how to masturbate properly. (Thanks, Cosmo.) Yes, I was so innocent that I learned to masturbate from the internet. I didn’t even know what a clitoris was until then!
In the fall of my senior year, my boyfriend dumped me. In addition to the inevitable heartbreak, he also left me with a mountain of confusion. Geez, relationships were a lot more complicated than I thought! I honestly thought we would last longer. I thought he liked me enough. I actually thought he would be my first! He was my first kiss, after all.
I didn’t get over this confusion anytime soon. The summer months preceding my freshman year of college, I stayed single but continued to turn over questions in my head. I was really confused as to how to handle dating other guys. How was I supposed to know who to trust anymore? I wasn’t even sure if I could trust my instincts. Dating was no longer as straightforward as I thought it would be. What if I didn’t find the right guy by the time I was 24-25?!
I began dating a guy (we’ll call him Chris) I met through a mutual friend near the end of my first semester in college. Things gradually heated up and he first proposed rolling in the hay after returning to campus after Spring Break vacation. He knew I was a cautious virgin, which is why he “proposed” it (via text message, while I was on the bus home) after we had been dating awhile. After hesitating for a minute, I finally replied, “Yes, why not.” I mean, I had spent a good amount of time during Spring Break masturbating. (It was the first time in months I had a bedroom to myself.) I was obviously really horny.
But wait, a Seventeen magazine sex ed article popped up in my mind. You are physically ready, but are you emotionally ready?
When will I ever be?
Is it worth waiting?
Good question. How do you really know when you’ve found the perfect partner? Throughout high school, I had predetermined a future where I would be married by the time I was 25 to a man who was worthy of being the only man I ever slept with. But I can’t tell the future! How do I guarantee that? Even if I do marry at the exact age of 25, what if he ends up leaving me? Divorces me? Cheats on me with someone else? Even in marriage, this would not make it worth waiting.
And then I came to an epiphany.
From that moment on, I stopped putting my virginity on a pedestal.
On Friday night, I showed up at Chris’s apartment with an overnight bag and wearing a cute minidress. The minidress was to showcase the fact that I had stayed up past midnight the night before having an epic grooming session. I had never felt so hairless.
Lucky for me, his roommates were out for the night. We went to his room and didn’t hesitate to get down to our typical making out routine. He then proceeded to finger me down there (something he had done before, and I really enjoyed.) It would be a little harder to get turned on tonight with the anticipation I had about doing it for the first time. But I actually felt myself getting aroused and felt my mind become more at ease.
It wasn’t long before I was wet. My panties came off and Chris’s hands traveled up to my boobs. He started off feeling me over my dress, gently massaging, and then pulling the straps of my dress off my shoulders. A small gesture like this still turns me on to this day. It’s like he couldn’t wait to get it off of me. But no, I didn’t indulge him just yet. I was going to play the virginal card just a little longer.
We continued to make out as he tugged on my dress and succeeded in pulling down the front below my boobs, revealing my bra. I let him admire the sight for awhile. Yes, I had worn a brand new bra for the occasion. He then continued to feel me up through the bra. While we made out as he felt me up, my hand ventured to his crotch. I felt his bulge through his shorts.
Then the clothes started to come off, layer by layer. I looked at his erection with awe. So this is what a penis looked like! It was definitely not as neat looking as the anatomy diagrams in 7th grade biology. The skin was more pigmented (though he was circumcised), the balls were an unattractive sac of wrinkled skin, and base of his penis was covered with pubes. I wrapped my right hand around it lightly, the same way I was instructed on the internet sex articles to give a hand job, except I was doing a terrible job. I let my hand lightly travel up and down his rod. It felt kind of rough and strange.
I will always give Chris credit for being patient with the whole thing. Following my instructions, Chris had gone to the drugstore during the week to get lube and condoms. (There was no way I was doing that! What if someone saw me?) Following first-time sex protocol, I had him lube up. I was actually pretty wet, but was afraid it would hurt. After he put on the condom, he finally entered.
I had my eyes closed. What I felt was something unfamiliar penetrating me – something definitely bigger than a tampon. I felt like my hole had stretched to encompass his penis, but it didn’t hurt! I was relieved. After I got ever the initial novel feeling of a penis entering my vagina, I realized it actually felt good. I didn’t orgasm, but the friction was pleasurable. We finished the night getting off to oral, and then cuddled the rest of the night until we fell asleep.
We tried it again in the morning. This time, we went at it for a little longer, but I still didn’t orgasm! It would actually be a few times before I got that right. I just gave him a hand job and let him cum all over my thigh.
No blood. No pain. My cherry didn’t pop. I didn’t give away my “flower”. I didn’t feel as if I had been “unlocked”. I didn’t suddenly enter a vortex of deep, eternal love and bonding.
My advice to any girls about to enter their first time is this: use CONDOMS, use LOTS OF LUBE so that it doesn’t hurt, and remember that your first time signifies whatever it is that you want. (One of my favorite phrases for someone’s first time is YouTuber Laci Green’s “sexual debut”.) It is your choice whether you want to wait until marriage or just do it when you feel comfortable. Some guys lose it to their first girlfriend, some guys lose it in a one night stand, and anything in between. You have the same choice. Please remember that the only thing you are “losing” is your virginity, and nothing else.
Getting introduced to the world of sex is definitely a blessing for me. I wouldn’t say it changed me much other than the fact that I became more sexually active. I have gone through dry spells, in which I pretty much feel virginal again. (Or as Chandler from “Friends” would say, it feels like it’s “growing back.”) I was getting some until recently. Mike and I officially broke things off a week ago because I’m moving for grad school. The reason I say “officially” is because we kept trying to break up but then kept getting back together for sex. However, he has now officially gone home for a week before the start of Fall semester. Too bad, as he was the first one to break my dry spell this year. Hopefully, I will lose my “virginity” again in grad school.
Disclaimer: I am not a certified sex educator by any means and do not have a PhD in anything. This post is just a reflection and recount of my own experience. For actual advice on sex health, I strongly recommend consulting a certified sex health educator, counselor, or doctor.